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  • 《有意思的俏皮話》精選 分享到:

    有意思的俏皮話

    發布時間:2016-10-12所屬欄目:經典語錄
      

     1、《植物大戰僵尸》真騙人,老是提醒說“有一大波僵尸正在接近”,就為這沒日沒夜的玩了整整一年,結果從來沒有出現過一個“大波僵尸”!

     
    2、18歲的女孩像櫻桃,好吃、好看又很貴;28歲的女人像蘋果,大眾水果,便宜,看起來也不錯;38歲的女人像菠蘿,便宜,好不好吃就看你愛不愛吃,好看嗎?自己琢磨;48歲的女人像西紅柿,——總還以為自己是水果!
     
    3、愛錯了人,天天都是愚人節;愛對了人,天天都是情人節。
     
    4、愛我就大聲地說出來吧!恨我就一輩子藏在心里吧!
     
    5、安得廣廈千萬間,我卻沒錢買一間。
     
    6、把事情復雜化,才能體現我們的工作能力!
     
    7、百事可樂的廣告真反動:世界的每次改變都是從小小的渴望開始。
     
    8、辦事本來有路子的,但走的人多了,堵死了。
     
    9、北京一高校貼出告示,勸戒學生先不要談戀愛,等你拿了諾貝爾獎以后,你現在交的女友很可能是你的丈母娘。
     
    10、不想奔三,是因為還沒二夠!
     
    11、不要小看拖鞋,那可是忍辱負重的楷模。
     
    12、曾經有一段真摯的愛情擺在我面前,我沒有珍惜,現在想起來,還好沒有珍惜。
     
    13、吃貨一般都比較善良,因為每天都只想著吃,沒有時間去算計別人。
     
    14、出租車司機,司機中的戰斗機,噢耶!
     
    15、除了金庸,J.K.羅琳寫的7本書也可以連成一句話:“哈哈哈哈哈哈哈”
     
    16、船撞橋頭自然沉~~
     
    17、從來不抄襲,沒說不復制。
     
    18、當你披上了婚紗 我也披上了袈裟~~
     
    19、當人認識到自己的有限,欲望就會少很多。
     
    20、對不起,你撥打的用戶已結婚。
     
    21、復習苦:一夜復習兩茫茫,看一句,忘三行,路遇友人,臉色皆凄涼,視死如歸入考場,做小抄,占座忙。考完之后心涼涼,左右曰,今必亡,查詢成績,眾人我獨亡,再顧昔時左右
    人,這一群,裝B郎!
     
    22、鋼而不銹。
     
    23、哥是文明人,所有臟話已使用唾液消毒。
     
    24、工作的最高境界就是看著別人上班,領著別人的工資。
     
    25、關門一個月,不要叫我,因為一叫我我就會出來……
     
    26、好久沒有人把牛皮吹的這么清新脫俗了!
     
    27、姐姐,帶我回家,牽著我的手,我有些困了。
     
    28、今天走路撿到五毛錢,感謝國家,這個社會還是有希望的。
     
    29、看著戴套不算強奸的新聞,你回憶起嫖娼被抓罰的那三千塊錢淚如雨下,大叫,冤枉啊,我也戴了。
     
    30、康夫你辭職的時候有沒有考慮過哆啦A夢的感受!(去年日本首相宣布辭職時寫的)
     
    31、困難再大也沒有領導的決心大。
     
    32、老婆說要看閃電,我拿菜刀砍電線。
     
    33、老子曰:睡可睡,非常睡。
     
    34、沒事別找我,有事更加不要找我… 哈哈
     
    35、每當困難的時候我就念藏經:“噢嘛呢哞嘛哄”, 翻譯成英文就是:All money go my home!
     
    36、每天早上起床都要看一遍“福布斯”富翁排行榜,如果上面沒有我的名字,我就去上班。
     
    37、苗條的可樂。
     
    38、那些成天轉發自己星座特征的人,都在心里怒吼著“看不上我的都是混蛋!”
     
    39、男女之間最曖昧莫過于借東西,一借一還便有兩次見面機會。
     
    40、男人得勢挺“硬”,女人得勢挺“胸”。男人得勢愛逢場作戲,女人得勢想假戲真做。男人得勢愛玩風流,女人得勢常賣風騷。男人得勢喊老子,女人得勢稱老娘。
     
    41、男人總是說一套做一套,關鍵時候還帶個套。
     
    42、你給我滾,馬不停蹄的滾……
     
    43、女人會外遇,是因為心動;男人會外遇,是因為新洞!
     
    44、偶發現,整死Q寵比整死一個人還要難。
     
    45、胖并憔悴著~~
     
    46、朋友突然發短信向我匯報工作說設備被盜,我就回了句小事。事后知道我和他領導在他電話里都存的是小人。
     
    47、其實我是個很傳統的人,一直都支持三妻四妾。
     
    48、千里送鵝毛,汽油費太高。
     
    49、錢不是沒有,只不過你有的是正數,我有的是負數。
     
    50、青春就像衛生紙,看著挺多的,用著用著就不夠了……
     
    51、人不犯我~~我不犯人~~人若犯我~~我就生氣~~~
     
    52、人生最大的悲哀是青春不在,青春痘卻還在。
     
    53、如果蚊子不吸血,改行抽脂肪,那它會是多么可愛的小生靈啊~
     
    54、如果心情不好, 就去超市捏捏方便面。
     
    55、若想打入敵后,必先潛伏其QQ群……
     
    56、上帝說:出門不要忘記帶傘,一會兒我要澆花。
     
    57、上聯:為需求而生,為用戶而死,為瀏覽器奮斗一輩子!下聯:吃CSS虧,上JS的當,最后死在兼容上!橫批:前端人生
     
    58、世界是我們的,也是孩子們的,但最終是那幫孫子們的!
     
    59、世上的女人只有兩種,一種是幸福的,一種是堅強的。愛就瘋狂,不愛就堅強。
     
    60、書到用時方恨少,肉遇減肥才嫌多。
     
    61、誰耽誤我一陣子,我讓他后悔一輩子 。
     
    62、思想有多遠,你就給我滾多遠!
     
    63、特別的人從來不說自己特別,比如說我。
     
    64、我不知道郭美美是誰,但人們傳說她是反腐的女英雄。
     
    65、我的否已極了,可泰說他沒空來。
     
    66、我風情又果敢,遠目且踏實,品味上乘卻又勤奮自省,缺點雖多,www.3f113.com 還望大家海涵!
     
    67、我戒酒了,咱們今天少喝點吧!
     
    68、我們打飛機需右手握環,你可握拳;我們撒尿需要營養快線,你爽歪歪拿管扎個眼就可以了。
     
    69、我們的宗旨是:為人民幣服務!
     
    70、我們一同學在網上抱怨我們學校檢查宿舍很形式化,然后他有一個軍校同學回了一句:你們形式化,我們還要給假花換土呢。
     
    71、我人生只會兩件事 1 這也不會 2 那也不會
     
    72、我雖然相信海誓山盟,但是未必相信你啊~~
     
    73、我雖有自知之明但堅決死性不改!
     
    74、我要找個像金剛一樣的男人,為我站在美國最高的大樓去給我打飛機。
     
    75、我一直都喜歡你,我只是有時不喜歡人類。
     
    76、我在春天種下一堆男朋友,現在秋天到了,嘖嘖,居然顆粒無收~~
     
    77、我知道,天下無不散宴席,可是,至少,宴席上我要吃得爽!
     
    78、我走我的陽光道,你過你的奈何橋。
     
    79、吾朝太祖曾曰:吾覓新途,是為民主也。民督于政,政方不怠,人以己責,不至人亡政息。
     
    80、西游記告訴我們,有背景的妖怪都會被領導救走,沒背景的才被一棒打死~~
     
    81、小弟:大哥,你的人緣真好,周圍那么多人經常找你!大哥:都是來要債的。
     
    82、新的一年里我許下了3個愿望,一是找到意中人,二是意中人找到我,三是好多意中人找到我!
     
    83、嚴重抗意鳳凰衛視在播放廣告時插播電視劇!
     
    84、又在承諾,咋那么多謊言呀!
     
    85、在他的家鄉沉迷于他的想象。
     
    86、炸醬面實驗失敗,總結出,肉老了。
     
    87、這世界存在太多假像,你不知道自己什么時候就被欺騙。
     
    88、諸葛亮出山前也沒帶過兵啊,你們憑啥要我有工作經驗!!!
     
    89、自從熱死了后,大家都在談論熱死了的話題。
     
    90、總有一天你的名字會出現在我家的戶口本上!
     
    91、最簡單的長壽秘決--------------保持呼吸,不要斷氣~~
     
    92、最近工作不突出,業績不突出,腰椎間盤有點突出。
     
    93、做人一定要做一個蹦蹦跳跳的人。
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